Alice's Wild Wonderland Adventure

Alice was sprawled under the old oak tree, watching her sister read the most boring book in the universe—no pictures, no conversations, just endless gray words.

She yawned so wide a butterfly could have flown in.

That's when she spotted him.

A white rabbit in a waistcoat sprinted past, muttering, "Oh my ears and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late, I'm LATE!"

Alice blinked.

Did that rabbit just check a pocket watch?

Without thinking, she jumped up and chased after him. The rabbit dove into an enormous hole beneath a hedge, and Alice—well, Alice didn't stop to think. She never did.

Down, down, down she fell. Past floating cupboards and shelves lined with marmalade jars. Past maps and mirrors and a rocking chair that waved at her.

She fell so long she started wondering if she'd pop out on the other side of the Earth.

THUMP! She landed on a pile of dry leaves in a long hallway lined with doors—tall doors, short doors, round doors, square doors. At the end sat a tiny glass table with a golden key and a bottle labeled DRINK ME.

Alice knew better than to drink strange bottles. But this was a very polite bottle with excellent handwriting, so she took a tiny sip.

Immediately, she began shrinking! Down, down, down until she was no bigger than a mouse. Perfect! Now she could fit through the miniature door she'd spotted earlier.

But oh no—she'd left the key on the table, which now towered above her like a skyscraper.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" she scolded herself.

Then she noticed a cake under the table marked EAT ME.

One bite, and WHOOOOSH! Up she shot, growing and growing until her head bonged against the ceiling.

She was nine feet tall! She tried the key again, but now she was far too enormous.

Alice burst into tears—giant tears that splashed onto the floor like a rainstorm. Soon she was sitting in a pool of her own tears, feeling utterly ridiculous.

Another sip from the bottle shrank her back down, but now she was swimming in her tear-pool! A mouse paddled by, followed by a duck, a dodo bird, and several other soggy creatures.

"Everyone to shore!" commanded the Dodo, who organized the strangest race Alice had ever seen. Everyone ran in circles until they were dry. No one won, so everyone got prizes—Alice had to hand out candy from her own pocket.

She wandered off and met the White Rabbit again, who mistook her for his maid and sent her to fetch his gloves. In his cottage, she found another bottle and drank it without reading the label.

Bad idea.

She expanded like a balloon until her arms stuck out the windows and her foot went up the chimney. The Rabbit screamed and threw pebbles at her, which magically turned into cakes. She ate one and shrank back down, then ran off into the woods.

That's where she met the Caterpillar, a blue fellow sitting on a mushroom, smoking a pipe that blew purple smoke-rings shaped like question marks.

"Who are YOU?" he drawled.

"I—I hardly know, sir," Alice admitted. "I've been so many different sizes today, I'm not sure who I am anymore."

The Caterpillar told her one side of the mushroom would make her taller, the other shorter. Alice broke off two pieces and nibbled carefully until she was her normal size again.

Next, she stumbled upon the Cheshire Cat, lounging in a tree with a grin that seemed to float in the air.

"Which way should I go?" Alice asked.

"That depends on where you want to get to," the Cat replied, fading in and out of sight.

"I don't much care where—"

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go!" The Cat vanished except for his smile, which hung in the air like a pink moon.

Following a path, Alice discovered the maddest tea party in history. The March Hare and the Mad Hatter sat at a long table covered with teacups, teapots, and jam jars. A sleepy Dormouse sat between them.

"No room! No room!" they shouted, though there were dozens of empty seats.

Alice sat down anyway. They asked her impossible riddles ("Why is a raven like a writing desk?"), told her time had stopped at six o'clock (which meant it was always tea time), and kept switching seats every few minutes.

"This is the stupidest tea party ever!" Alice declared, and marched off.

She found herself in a garden where playing cards were painting white roses red.

"The Queen wanted red roses," whispered a Five of Spades, "but we planted white by mistake. If she finds out, she'll chop off our heads!"

"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" came a shriek.

The Queen of Hearts stomped into the garden, her crown crooked, her face purple with rage. She was shaped like a heart herself—wide at the top, pointy at the bottom.

"Who's been painting my roses?" she bellowed.

The cards pointed at Alice.

"Off with HER head!"

"Nonsense!" Alice said bravely. "You're just a pack of cards!"

The Queen turned redder than the roses. "We'll have a trial! A proper trial!"

Alice found herself in the strangest courtroom ever. The King of Hearts was the judge. The Knave of Hearts was accused of stealing tarts. The jury box was filled with animals who kept writing on squeaky slates.

The trial made absolutely no sense. Witnesses said ridiculous things. The Queen kept screaming "Off with their heads!" The King kept pardoning everyone quietly.

Finally, the Queen pointed at Alice. "What do YOU know about this?"

"Nothing," Alice said. She'd been eating a piece of mushroom and had grown quite tall again. "And this whole trial is ridiculous!"

"Off with her head!" shrieked the Queen.

The entire deck of cards flew up into the air and came fluttering down at Alice like angry butterflies.

She swatted at them, shouting, "You're nothing but a pack of cards!"

"Alice! Alice, wake up!"

Her sister was gently shaking her shoulder. Alice blinked at the ordinary trees, the ordinary sky, the ordinary world.

"You were having quite the dream," her sister smiled.

Alice sat up, brushing leaves from her hair. Had it been a dream? It felt so real—the tears, the tea, the terrible Queen.

But in her pocket, she found a single playing card: the Ace of Hearts.

She smiled a secret smile and decided that some adventures were too wonderful to explain, even if they happened in dreams.

Or did they?